I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
