I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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