Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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