My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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