she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
