We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He better not be in your backpack
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
