My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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