i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
