So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
