Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
