And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if only i could text you this smell
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
