Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
whose parrot is this?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
