Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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