billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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