we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
