even my farts smell like vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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