"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
