Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
