he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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