Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
