You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
