i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we're making bets on your personal life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
