I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
