is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
