I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
