I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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