I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
