you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
