I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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