dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
