I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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