I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
