I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
