Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
