I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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