I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
