Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
