She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
