stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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