it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
