yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
