dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
