Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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