So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
