i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Your penis caused this!
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