4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
