what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
