Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
