i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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