I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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