He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
