I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
