Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
40s are totally the cure
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
