Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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