I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
