margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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