his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
