I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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