Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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